


I'm Gonna Rest in the Lap of Abraham

by somedayisours



Series: A Splinter in My Mind [10]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Experimental Style, Gen, Humor, I'm writing whatever I want just in the same AU, Mentor/Protégé, Minor Character Death, Origin Story, Original Character Death(s), Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2020-12-16 12:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somedayisours/pseuds/somedayisours
Summary: If there's anything The Commission's taught Cha Cha, it's to keep her head down. Five operates by a whole different set of rules.





	1. No Cats in the Bag

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Lazarus" by David Byrne and St. Vincent.

The first thing Five ever said to her is:

"Abort mission."

Cha Cha had been coming up on something like a year and five months since The Commission had brought her on as a contractor. Five was old news by then, infamous among the lower leveled agents because he was as good as he was crazy. And boy was he crazy, a big bag of cats seemed tame in comparison.

There was something to admire about his efficiency—not that she got to see him in action much, but the glimpses she caught when he trained were good enough. Her partner at the time, Markham, thought the opposite of her. He'd been terrified of The Commission's best agent, wide-eyed and flighty any time the other man was around. Cha Cha mocked him for it, that was, up until Five appeared in the middle of one of their missions and stabbed Markham in the throat with his gold-plated commemorative ten-year pen.

She'd done as Five said, aborted the mission and gone back to The Commission. She had made it just in time to watch the backs of Markham and herself leave The Handler's office. Five had shown up a couple of minutes after that with a glass of tequila in hand, late on purpose if the challenging look between him and The Handler was anything to go by.


	2. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five, teamwork, and Christmas shopping. Or, Five just complains to himself.

Five really doesn't enjoy this partner business. It's a punishment, he gets it, but babysitting Cha Cha is a headache and a half.

The store clerk folding over next to the dressing rooms is giving him the eye while he stomps though the women's undergarments towards the exit. This is the third Woodward's he's been in today looking for that stupid sequin top they advertised in their catalog. Maybe he'll go to Hudson's Bay next instead. 

To top it all off Cha Cha managed to get herself shot in the face on their last assignment. Had to drag her out of there after putting a pencil though the target's eye. Got a forty-three minute lecture over the whole mess, nearly put a spot on his record. 

Next location has it, just not in Dolores' size. He almost murders an elderly woman when he sees her holding the final one of the correct size in her arms. He doesn't though, he isn't that much of a psycho, yet. Another assignment with Cha Cha though...

**Author's Note:**

> Original this was going to be a one-shot of Five kinda mentoring Cha Cha back in the day, I wanted to do more once I started writing.


End file.
